Fresh Start, New Heart

The Bible is full of fresh starts. King Hezekiah is one that comes to mind as God turns back the sundial ten steps and gives Hezekiah 15 more years to live. He praised God saying, "for you have cast all my sins behind your back."


The thing about fresh starts - no matter how many we can reference in the Bible or point to in people we know - is that we have difficulty believing we ourselves are deserving of them. We keep a white knuckle grip on the old, time-worn baggage of our lives in lieu of accepting a fresh start from our Creator. God longs to feed us with his lavish love and forgiveness, but first we must let go of the baggage.


George Herbert (1566-1633) wrote a beautiful, lyrical poem entitled "Love (III)" which I will paraphrase (inadequately, I'm sure - English lovers, click this link for the original version):

Love welcomed me, open arms,

to sit, to eat with Him,

yet my soul drew back,

for I knew the weight of my sins.

But quick-ey'd Love

Observing my hesitation, sensing my doubts,

Drew near to me, softly questioning,

"What is it you are lacking?"

Ashamed, I could not look Love in the eyes.

But All-Knowing Love inquired

"Who made the eyes but I?"

Shyly I looked up and whispered,

"In light of all that's passed behind me, all my sins,

I am not worthy to be here."

Love took my hand and gently said,

"And know you not, who bore the blame?

You, my dear, will I serve. You must sit down and eat."

So I did sit and eat.

~~~

"I'll give you a new heart, and put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed"

(Ezekiel 36:26, MSG)

River Feast

 I grew up in a loving church family, surrounded by imperfect people trying their best to love and serve God, in a youth program which nourished and helped me grow and bloom in my faith. These were the years that set a foundation of rich soil under my soul and said, “Here. Grow.” I was well fed spiritually.

Then I went to college.

I decided to add God to my schedule only when it was convenient for me. I checked in with him every now and then, mostly when I felt overwhelmed or needed something. My twenties were lean years in my faith walk, but if you’d asked me at the time, I would’ve told you everything was “Fine - Really! God and I are good.”

Truth be told, there was a hunger within me that lay unfed…and I knew it, but working on my relationship with God was just too inconvenient at the time. It didn’t bother me too much though because, as the saying goes, I had moved away from God but I had enough of a foundation to know he had not moved away from me. So I strung him along behind me for the next 10 years or so, like a childhood security blanket.

In my thirties, I took a step in God’s direction. I went back to church and found myself surrounded by another loving and diverse church family…and I started to grow again. This time it was a mature growth and God blessed me with special individuals who represented for me why we feast together at God’s table. I began, slowly, to understand that there were lots of opportunities for spiritual food, but I had to make a conscious decision to plant myself next to the Source, next to the river of God’s grace. I became friends with beloved people who showed me what growing my faith beyond the church’s doors looked like.

A friend gave me the title of my painting, River Feast (above), before I painted it and a timely reading of Psalm 1 brings my story together:

They are like trees planted by streams of water

which yield their fruit in its season,

and their leaves do not whither.

In all they do, they prosper.

~Psalm 1:3

“PLANTED” – not growing wild, not by random chance. I thought about the blessings that have grown from choices made to plant myself close to the Source. Living waters that nourish and provide when I commit to living on God’s terms. I included a trimmed branch from the tree as I thought it was important to acknowledge that, idyllic as my painting may seem, this world hurts and harms and often seems out of sync with the Infinite. But good or bad, I give it all to Him. The world withers, God replenishes.

It’s often said that a painter shouldn’t explain a painting, and I have already taken liberties. It should be up to the viewer to have their own experience so I will let you interpret the rest for yourself.  For me, it is a reminder that each day I have a decision which way I will go…or grow.

My Heart in Your Hand

This first post of the New Year, I want to take a moment to thank you for the privilege of sharing my thoughts and inspiration with you throughout the year. If you only knew how many times I think of things that I’d like to share with you and then end up feeling too shy about putting anything “out there” that might not come across the way I want it to, that could be misinterpreted, or even wrong.  

2012 begins my fifth year (!) of Heart-In-Hand and I am still amazed that I have this blog and I share my thoughts with such a wide audience.  This sense of vulnerability I have of putting a bit of my heart in your hand with each post is a risk I continue to be willing to take with the hope that what inspires me will build you up too.  It’s not like I am vastly knowledgeable in any given area, and I’m sure I make points that could be argued over.  Most of the time, before I hit the publish button, I think, “Who am I to assume this is relevant…interesting…well-written…inspirational?” and then I muster up my courage and send it off with a prayer that God will be able to use at least some part to his benefit and that I have worked faithfully to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me. 

Ring the bells that still can ring;

Forget your perfect offering .

There is a crack in everything: 

That's how the light gets in. 

—Leonard Cohen

Heartfelt appreciation to my subscribers who send responses to my posts and share their thoughts with me – you keep me going! 

For a child has been born for us, a son given to us;

authority rests upon his shoulders;

and he is named

Wonderful Counselor

Mighty God

Everlasting Father

Prince of Peace

~Isaiah 9:6

The multi-named messiah, love labels

On a faith shape, every name a promise

And every promise a present, made and named

All in the same breath. I accept.

~Eugene Peterson

White.As.Snow

I see periods used after each word on social media these days

as a way to get people to pay attention to each word written. 

This translated well into how I felt as I read the words of Isaiah 1:18:

“Though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be like snow.”

White. As. Snow.

The scarlet stain of sin cannot withstand

God’s gift of the infant Jesus,

…an Emmanuel offering of a clean, fresh start

Will you accept it?

For in this new baby Christ

is born

the opportunity to claim your own

fresh start.

Infant holy.  Emmanuel.

White.As.Snow.

“Christ the babe was born for you!”

Let it snow!

It's No Accident

IT'S NO ACCIDENT

that the same spirit of love

which created you

is a most powerful ally of

JOY.

When our actions,

our kindnesses,

our very living,

burst forth from this place of love,

nothing

NO-THING

can stop the Spirit

from claiming the goodness

that is bestowed

not just on ourselves,

but also upon those

around us.

It is from

this deep well of God's love

that we can claim our own

JOY.

"Uneven Performers"

What are your talents?

Are you afraid to use them?

The world needs your talents!

Whether it's the talent of bringing laughter to others,

the talent of kindness towards others,

a talent for saying the right thing to a hurting heart,

the talent of being a willing worker in time of need,

a talent for wise counsel,

the talent of a listening and patient ear...

Do us all

a favor and

start

"singing"!!!!

“All the persons of faith I know are sinners, doubters, uneven performers.

We are secure not because we are sure of ourselves

but because we trust that God is sure of us.”

― Eugene H. Peterson

Finding My Missing Peace

It used to be that I was uncomfortable with silence - so much so that I would go out of my way to avoid it. The TV or radio were always on. Silence was akin to wearing an itchy wool sweater, I avoided it.

There was no peace in quiet for me.

Finally, I decided to dedicate quiet time to be with God – outside of my normal prayer time.

Do you ever feel like there is a next step you need to take in your relationship with God? This was my next step at the time. At first, sitting in the quiet was uncomfortable. I wanted to start talking right away. I couldn’t clear my thoughts from taking over. I forced myself to refrain. Soon, the quiet time became a gift. Sometimes I talk, but always the quiet first.

My reading of Psalm 40 yesterday inspired me to frame my own thoughts around the time I spend with God and how it helped me find my missing peace:

O God, none can compare with your steadfast love and faithfulness.

And so,

I close my eyes,

I calm my thoughts.

Patiently, I prepare to be with you (v1)

For I have come to understand the gift of this quiet place within myself, Lord,

as the breadth of your presence envelops the furthermost corners of my heart.

With you, I can be my truest self.

“Then I say, ‘Here I am.’” (v7)

I have come to this place both in time of joy and eagerness and in time of anguish and tumult.

You have sat with me on both sides and in the middle. I can feel you stretching from the heavens towards me, inclining your ear to your child.

In times of anguish, I have felt your arms gather me up and “draw me out of the miry bog” (v2) of despair and place me on the solid rock that is your Son. You take my weak, anxious thoughts and “multiply your thoughts” (v5) toward me, a flood of love.

Thank you.

You have given me “a new song” (v3) of praise in my heart.

O God, none can compare with you.

How We Roll

In 2 Corinthians 6, Paul speaks of the many afflictions he and others have been exposed to in spreading the good news of the Gospel. Despite the enormous challenges and dangers they faced, Paul points out that as servants of the Almighty, part of their calling is to present themselves, in every situation, as exemplifying the following qualities:

“purity

patience

kindness

holiness of spirit

genuine love

truthful speech

and

the power of God”

(2 Cor 6:6-7)

In today’s lingo, Paul is saying “This is how we roll” or how we operate. Though afflictions beleaguer and cultural challenges overwhelm, outer influences should not change how we move through the world as we share the character and good news of Jesus Christ.

I taped these words on the kids’ bathroom mirror a couple of years ago:

Live in such a way that when you put your head on the pillow at night you can say, “Lord, I did the best I could today to honor your name and live out my faith and love for you in both words and deeds.”

They’ve never commented on that note, but it’s ok. I understand it’s easier to read words on a page than it is to live them, same as it was easier for me to print out and tape the words up there than to be a living example. Those are lofty expectations at any age. And mostly we are trying to do our best. Not the kind of “best” we use as an excuse for not doing better, but the kind of best that asks God to help by adding his power and grace into a given day, a given situation.

The Message translation of the last part of 2 Corinthians 6:7 says, “we're doing our best setting things right.”

Thinking of the challenges we face today, that’s a verse any generation could get behind to help them "roll."

Stubborn Stains

As I removed a tag hanging off the wire hanger of a shirt picked up at the dry cleaners, I noticed there was a large “X” next to the words: “Sorry, this is the best that can be done.”

I would’ve tossed the tag into the trash without a second thought, but something about the words “Sorry, this is the best that can be done” struck a chord in my memory.

When I was 6yrs old, I was the proud owner of a very sweet pair of red Mary Janes. I wore them at every opportunity and remember feeling an extra bit of fabulous whenever I had them on. Around the same time, my family moved to England where we rented the gate keeper’s cottage on a sprawling estate, among old and ancient history, surrounded by farm land and no one younger than 50. Playmates were few and far between, so when a family down the road asked us to visit, I was beyond excited because they had a little girl my age. Dressing to impress, the red shoes were put on for an extra measure of confidence.

No one told me we were going to a pig farm.

I climbed part way up a fence to see the pigs for myself and when my foot slipped, both shoes went directly down into a muddy slop. The little girl who lived there thought it was hilarious and I decided right then there was no future for us if she couldn’t understand what a disaster this was. Mother tried to clean them up as best she could, but the smell was horrendous and her efforts were an exercise in futility. I tried wearing them, stains, smell and all, but they were unbearable. As much as I hated to let them go, the shoes had to be tossed out.

And so with life sometimes, we journey in this world hoping for the best, for happiness, and good times, and companionship, and instead end up walking or falling into a mess.

We are left with stains. And the best that could be done was not enough. The heart that so recently beat was not able to survive the operation. The relationship that shared everything now languishes unattended. The dreams long strived for have little resemblance to the current situation. Time for letting go.

But our letting go is not a giving up… it is a giving over. We give this stain, this pain, over to God. We let go so we can let God. For God knows these stains have left their imprint on our heart, and He asks us when we give them over to Him to trust that:

“…in the gulf of our unknown being [He] works behind our consciousness… coming forward through regions of our darkness into our light, long before we begin to be aware that he is answering our request – has answered it, and is visiting His child.” ~Geo MacDonald